Several weeks ago, Tim Lambesis, the vocalist of As I Lay
Dying [one of my favorite bands], was arrested for trying to hire someone to
murder his wife. There is some speculation over whether it is real, or a set-up…but
I am just going with the assumption that it is true. I haven’t said much about
it, but I’ve thought about it quite a bit. And this morning, I had a dream about
talking to him.
I was in a building, in an oddly-shaped room. About ten
graduating seniors stood against one wall; on the other side of the room, there
was some sort of mini press conference. There were only about twenty people
over there, scattered throughout the chairs. Tim got up in front of them and
said something --- I think it was like, “I’m sorry for what’s happened,” ---
and then walked past the people and out the front door.
I watched him go for a second, hesitating, then said to
myself, “…Just go do it!” So I ran after him, caught up, and tapped him on the
arm/back to get his attention. He looked over and kind of slowed down, but kept
walking.
Staying beside him, I said, “I just wanted to tell you that
your fans --- or, at least me --- …I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you. I’m
not wishing for terrible things to happen to you.” At this, he stopped and
turned more so he was facing me. He said something along the lines of, “I just
don’t know why people think there is only one God, or that he lives inside of
you, inside your shirt.” [I’m not sure if he meant to say “heart”, or what! Haha!]
I didn’t really know what to say to that --- his response
seemed really random; especially since he has professed openly to be a
Christian --- but I said something like, “I just hope that good comes out of
this.”
He said something about how he wishes people would just
leave him and his family alone [this wasn’t directed at me; it was general]. I
repeated my desire for good to come from the situation. Then a car drove up
behind him, and he got in. As I watched the car drive off, I thought of stuff I
wanted to say, should have said. Stuff about Manasseh, and how I’ve prayed that
God will really get his attention through this…that he will either come back to
God, or come to actually know him for the first time.
…I have a point. I think. ;)
Though…I can’t figure out a way to explain my thoughts
without going into all of this stuff that happened years ago. And I don’t
really want to do that, because it is just…long. And unnecessary.
…Bottom line…God has changed me. Perhaps it would have
happened anyway, without this story…but the story is one of the biggest vessels
he has used. And is still using. I’ve always been drawn to redemption, always
loved it…but the more I write, the more God chisels away at my old way of
looking at things.
Tim is not a good person who did a bad thing. He is not a
bad person who has been pretending to be good. He is a fallen person, redeemed
by the grace of God. But somewhere along the line, he took his eyes off of God…and
put them on himself. And a focus of self will lead to only destruction. It may
look different for each of us…but left to ourselves, we naturally
self-destruct, and destroy everything around us. Whoever we are.
…There are no “good people”. We are all flawed, all broken…and
we all desperately need God. You may
refuse to believe that, may think I am stupid for believing that…may think I am
close-minded or something. But it is the opposite; I am not close-minded toward
any person or people-group or whatever. Why? …There is nothing different about
us. We all bleed red. We all cry. We all get upset. And we all are made in the image of God. There is one race, and one
race only: the human race. Different skin colors, different cultures, different
ways of looking at the world…but all human. And so, all infected with the humanly-incurable
disease of sin. There is no difference; ALL have fallen short of the glory of
God.
We all fall the same way…and we are all saved the same way:
by the blood of Jesus.
What I said to Tim in the dream…is my heart toward him. If I
saw him in real life, and could talk to him, that is what I would say. [Though
I’d probably say a lot more. And I’d hug him too.] It is my heart toward not
only him, but toward anyone who has messed up. …Especially people who know God,
love God…and feel so far away from God now because of things they’ve done [or
haven’t done].
I am not mad at him. I don’t hate him, at all. I would never wish for awful things to happen to
him, for any reason. I hold no vindictive thoughts toward him. …All I want…is
for him to genuinely repent and surrender to God. My prayer for him is this: That
in his distress, he would seek the favor of God and humble himself greatly before
him. And that God would restore him, and use this for good. And that Tim would
truly know God after this, in a way he never did before. [2 Chronicles
33:12-13.]
One step toward God is all it will take. If he would just
turn to God, God would run to him.
…I realize that this is not exactly story-related. But in a
way, it kind of is. Because this is me, my heart. And this desire for
redemption is the heart of my story. You can read my story and not really see
this. You can read my story without knowing me, and I think you would still
find it engaging and such. [I hope!] But my truest hope, beyond any desire for
fame or whatever [because I really have none]…is that this story…will be used
by God to change someone else, besides me. That someone else will see people,
life, God, and redemption…in a new way because of what I have written.
NO ONE…and NOTHING…is beyond redemption. If they are willing
to accept it…and surrender it. God can make beauty rise out of the most
terrible thing. He IS the Resurrection and the Redeemer. And the Healer.
…So, there are my thoughts on that.
Great postt
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