Pronunciation Guide

Monday, September 23, 2013

Big changes!

Been MIA for a while. Sorry about that! I don’t really even know why. I have been really stressed lately, about the whole 2-PAD challenge. I got ahead quite quickly…and because I had extra pages, I slacked off instead of staying disciplined. Grr. So…I am going to really try to buckle down and NOT do that anymore!

ANYWAY, the other day, I finally allowed myself to realize two things.

One, if I keep my original plotline, and keep everything in book one that I’ve planned to have in book one…it will end up being like 700+ pages long.

Two, if I want to keep it shorter than that [which I do], then I must skim over a ton of the next part of the story.

…I don’t want a first book that is that long…and I don’t want to skim over things, or summarize what shouldn’t be summarized.

Therefore…I have decided to move a ton of stuff from book one…to book two.

It is a little scary, and I’m kind of bummed because I really like the original ending of book one. BUT…I think this will work much better. I didn’t have much for book two anyway --- and the ending stuff I’ve come up with will still work as the ending. So…yesh. =)

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

…Oh dear, work just called me.

This is just going to be a quick update!

1. I have written just under 41 pages [between story and back-story stuff] since beginning the 2-PAD writing challenge. I am ahead of what I should be [should have 36 by the end of today], BUT…not as far as I was. Because of that cushion, I slacked off for a few days. But no more! I shall recapture the ground I lost, and focus on writing at least two pages EVERY day, regardless of whether I have twenty more than I should or not.

2. I have successfully saved the life of Des, the character described in this post, which I had originally planned to kill [albeit very reluctantly]. …I am a sucker. No one else would save this guy. He is…bad. Just bad. But I, of course, am in love with him. I roll my eyes at myself.

3. I am in the process of changing the interactions between my main girl and her love interest. Um, tiny spoiler alert [though not if you know me; hopeless romantic right here]…there is only one love interest throughout the whole story. Yes indeed, yes indeed. =) …Anywho…what I wrote for their original reunion…is now unrealistic. I think when I wrote it…I either had it that she wasn’t in the inn very long, or that he didn’t feel guilty for anything. But that has changed; she is in the inn for a while, she IS broken there…and he does feel horrible for what he didn’t do. And he will feel even more horrible when he finds out what happened to her after he left her. …So I am working on fixing it, making their interactions fit their personalities at this point in the story…making it make sense with the things I have both of them feeling. …It’s been fun. Shall be more fun!

…I think that is pretty much it. =D

Friday, September 13, 2013

Let me see redemption win

So, yesterday, I realized something about a certain back-story thing. I have written about this idea before, but I’ll recap quickly.

Basically, there is an H-guy. I will call him Des. Short for “descendant”, because of where I got his actual name. And there is a girl; I will call her Eve. [Eve is the girl I talk about in this post.]

In order to get to the next rank as an H-guy, Des, at age eighteen, has to pass a brutal test. But he refuses to do what the test requires. [Which, truly, is the right and noble thing to do.] Because of that refusal, he is kicked out of the H-guys, disowned by his already-disapproving father, abandoned, shamed, and publicly humiliated.

…And it’s awful.

Several years after that devastating event, Des finds Eve [then thirteen] and her sister on the streets. He takes them in…but his intentions are not pure. For two and a half years, he imprisons Eve as his sex slave.

After that time, I was going to have it that H-guys find out that Des is holding Eve…and they come, kill him, and banish her from the city. Eve is found by the half-breed group, and eventually becomes good friends with my main girl. And her experience as Des’s slave enables her to really relate to my main girl and what she’s been through.

So that is the idea.

And I loved the idea…except for one part --- Des being killed.

…I am not sure if anyone [except God] fully grasps just how deeply I did NOT want to kill this guy. Like…I…I mean, I don’t like killing characters anyway. But after I wrote out his back-story…just…the way I wrote it, the way his character came out through the little snippet…he broke my heart.

…He completely broke my heart.

When I wrote his back-story, I already knew that I was going to have him die. I already knew about Eve, and him imprisoning her. …But even still…I did not want him to die. The thought of killing him made me sick…even though what he does to Eve is sickening [and deserving of death].

…Yet the part, honestly, the part that was making me the sickest…was that I was having him die…unredeemed.

…I KNOW that I can’t save everyone, if I want to be realistic.
I KNOW that people have to die in a book about war.
…And I KNOW that not all of them are going to be redeemed when they do.

My biggest struggle with killing him…was that he was NOT irredeemable. By the time he captures Eve…he has just about killed every ounce of compassion in himself. He is cold, ruthless, and unremorseful. But deeper than the anger, the pain, the hatred…in a tiny part of himself, the real him remains. The him who refused to hurt someone very innocent, and lost everything for it. The real him who hides in the corner of his heart, believing horrible things about himself…and dying. …But still there.

It wasn’t just that I was having him die unredeemed. It was that I was having him die unredeemed…when there was hope that he could be redeemed, if he had just some more time.

He is terrible, no doubt about that. I wrote a part between him and Eve yesterday, and it almost made me sicker than the inn parts. [If you can believe that, those of you who have read/heard the inn parts.]

But he is terrible…because, ultimately, he is broken. [Not an excuse…but a reason.] And in some part of himself, he knows he is broken. He hates every part of his life, hates what he is doing. He gave up everything to NOT hurt a little girl…and now there he is, hurting a little girl. He hates what he has become…but instead of admitting this, he forces the compassion down deeper. Because in his mind, compassion is what ruined his life.

…Compassion is also what will save his life and heal his heart. …If he lets it.

…As I said, I realized something yesterday.
Something that makes me happier than you may be able to understand:
…I don’t know why the H-guys would kill him.

In their eyes, the only thing he has done wrong…is not turn Eve [a half-breed] over to them.
But he wasn’t helping her. He wasn’t providing for her. He wasn’t taking care of her.
…He was exploiting her, using her…abusing her.

And as twisted as it is…the H-guys…actually wouldn’t kill him for that.

…And not really having a totally solid reason for them to kill him…frees me to not actually HAVE to kill him.


I may even have it be that he is the one who lets them know he has her…and that he lies about when he found her. Makes it seem like he just found her, trapped her, and went immediately to them. Then they really wouldn’t have any reason to do…anything to him.

And they, of course, wouldn’t believe anything she said to the contrary.
And she could still be banished instead of murdered.

I don’t have to have it that he is redeemed in the timeline of the story, and I won’t. IF he comes into the story, in any part, he can still be totally unremorseful and unredeemed. I am okay with that. As long as he is alive, there is hope for him.

…I am so happy right now.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Tear down the walls

Oops, been almost a week. Sorry about that.

Update on the 2-PAD challenge: I now have about 19 pages in the actual story; 9 in back-story stuff. In just under two weeks, I have added 28 pages to my…arsenal. Muhaha. Arsenal. Makes me think of weapons, and I like weapons. I’d like my story to be a weapon…that’d be…neat.

…Ahem. Anyway.

Today, I’d like to talk about a very rarely-mentioned aspect of my story --- the k-guys. [OH. Just realized I need to update this page with their information! …Nope, already did it. Outsmarted myself again.]


The k-guys are my other creature-race.

I haven’t written much with them --- and really, the only part I have with “them” is really just with a “him”. I have created several characters of this race, but they aren’t in the story yet.

And, really…I’m not sure what to say about it/them/him.

It’s complicated…and I also don’t want to give away plot stuff.

…Um, basically, the d-guys and k-guys used to be allies and friends, many centuries ago. Then something happened. The k-guys did something that the d-guys thought was wrong, cowardly; and the k-guys felt betrayed because the d-guys didn’t come to their defense.

Thus…a rift opened between them…a rift that, truly, could have been easily mended.

…But no one talked about it. No one was willing to go to the other and explain, or try to understand.

Instead, pride kept both sides staunchly quiet.

And in the silence…the rift grew.
And grew.
And grew…

…Until the k-guys, in their anger, in their feelings of betrayal, in their desperation to make everything just go away…did something awful.

And the rift…became a severing.
And then, horrified…the k-guys ran away and hid.

Misunderstanding and pride…swelled into thoughts and feelings of betrayal.
Those thoughts and feelings of betrayal, left to fester…grew into anger and bitterness.
And anger and bitterness…exploded into violence and true betrayal.
…And true betrayal…finalized itself as total abandonment.

And for the past several thousand years, the k-guys have deteriorated in their hiding place.

And the d-guys have carried the betrayal, abandonment, and hatred…passing it down with each generation.

No one who was actually there, who personally experienced the severing, is still alive by the time the story takes place.

Yet both races --- more so with the d-guys --- live as if it happened to them, personally; or at least to their parents. They don’t merely remember the past…they exist within it. They can’t let it go. They can’t move on. They dwell on it, they immerse themselves in it.

The k-guys can’t forgive themselves for being the monsters they think they are.

The d-guys blame the k-guys for everything wrong in the world.

Each person of each race bears some part of the burden of a fractured relationship that they had no part in. And they perpetuate the hatred, each parent instilling it in their children.

…And nothing is fixed. Nothing is healed. There is no reconciliation.

And so the infection…just keeps poisoning its prisoner…until both races are literally crumbling from the inside out.

I did a Beth Moore Bible study earlier this year. One of the things she talked about was generational sin/bondage --- sins/mindsets/behaviors passed down from parent to child, parent to child. It manifests itself in many ways --- racism, a victim mentality, anger issues, unforgiveness…and so on. A typical one is a divided family. The original rift might be over something silly [like Aunt Edna not asking Aunt Eunice to help plan a baby shower]…but left unchecked, bitterness grows…and becomes criticism…and anger…then hatred. And finally, five generations down the line, no one remembers anything about the original issue. The Timson side of the family just knows they don’t speak to the Wilson side, and the Wilson side knows all of the Timsons are snobs and idiots and so they have nothing to do with them. [I just pulled random last names from my head. …This is why I don’t make up last names for my characters; I stink at it.]

Naturally, it might be something serious too…but the same principle applies. Everyone is affected by previous generations. And everyone carries brokenness with them, on them, in them…unless they choose to lay it down, and be different.

Forgiveness and redemption are the huge themes of the story, shown largely because of the story arc with a certain guy and my main girl.

But this whole aspect of the k-guys and d-guys hating each other, and all of the hurt and anger between them…is like…even huger than that somehow. Because it has gone on for so long, it just makes the stakes higher or something. At least in my head.

I don’t really know yet where it is going.
But I am excited.

…Sorry if any of that was confusing! ;) Well, not really…I’m only sorry if it was too confusing to follow!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Daw, I’s so proud of meself. …I have no idea what dialect that is supposed to be.

Sooo…I wrote a few days ago about how I am doing this Two-Page-a-Day [henceforth, 2-PAD] Writing Challenge via a facebook group. I almost didn’t do it, didn’t think I could. Made excuses. …Then I realized that it would be super good for me…so I joined the group and committed in my heart to do it.  

As much as I love writing, and truly want to write all the time…I am embarrassingly undisciplined with it. Like, seriously. It’s awful how much I don’t actually write. I go with my feelings more than anything else, and oftentimes, I don’t “feel” like writing. My head hurts, I have no ideas, no inspiration, I’m overthinking a certain part [me, overthink something!?] and don’t know what needs to happen next…and instead of making myself sit down and work through it, I’m like, “…Eh, I’ll watch some Goosebumps!”


I’ve read many things about becoming more disciplined; I’ve rarely done them. One that kept coming up was the concept of setting a timer and writing until it went off. I always thought that that was dumb, that it wasn’t for me. But, a few weeks ago [or something like that], I started doing it.

And, lo and behold, it actually does help.
I usually go into it not feeling like doing anything story-wise, totally idea-less, and lacking needed inspiration. …Wondering what I will do with myself for 45 minutes, and how I will remain off of facebook for that dreadfully long period of time.

…Yet, nearly every time I’ve done this, I ended up resetting the timer at least once…and usually more like three times.

…So much for not having anything to write, right? Ha!
And, shockingly, facebook isn’t all that hard to forget about.

The 2-PAD challenge started this past Sunday, the 1st. I didn’t write that day, and had to make up the two pages the next day. [That was slightly intimidating; I wasn’t sure I could do two pages, and now I had to do four!? Ack.]

Going by their schedule, I should, by the end of today, have twelve pages.

As of right now…I have just over eight in the actual story, and just over five in the back-story part. [And that doesn’t count little parts that I have added as I’ve edited.]

Grand total = about 13½! And I haven’t even written my two pages for today yet!

So, I am proud of myself. I’m still being super undisciplined; this week, I have barely had to work, and I’ve had entire days to spend writing. I haven’t taken full advantage of that time. Instead, knowing I have the whole day, I fiddle-fart around…and finally get around to actually sitting down with the timer at about 8. …PM.

Ugh. Really? Sigh.

BUT…I am doing better. =) And I am happy with my progress.
Here’s to hoping I keep it up next week, when I work more!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Well, I thought of a challege!

Hello, people!
This is your chance to read something from me that NO ONE ELSE has read! =D

I wrote something cute the other day. It is back-story, but goes with the story, and is from the point of view of a BRAND NEW character. I will explain the setting and circumstances, so even if you haven’t heard ANYTHING from my story at all, you won’t be confused.

The FIRST PERSON to correctly answer these questions wins! Private message me your answers via facebook! [For privacy reasons, I cannot share story parts with people I do not personally know; sorry! Someday I will be able to!] 

You will find most of the answers somewhere on this blog! =)

1. What is one of the main themes of the story? [Hint: There are several possible answers to this one!]

2. What race is my main girl?

3. What is one thing I cannot stand? [Hint: Look at the April posts!]

4. Who is “Fave”?

5. What is the sixteenth random fact about me?

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Challenges and updates and poor bruised elbows

Well, like I wrote about on my marriage blog today, I haven’t really felt like writing blogs lately. I’m sorry for just vanishing. But I am back now! Unfortunately, I don’t have much news. [Other than the fact that, once again, I hit my elbow on the door frame. Ugh.] But…

I am doing a writing challenge! [You can read more about it here.]

The goal is to write two pages a day through the end of the year; if I do that, I will have somewhere between 200 and 250 pages!

Now, for me, it likely won’t result in a completed manuscript [and especially not one ready to publish in 2014, just because of how I am writing this story] --- I have a feeling I won’t be writing all of those pages in book one. BUT…in other news…

I am now on chapter 18! And I wrote a couple of pages last night [about two in chapter 18; about one in 17…had to tweak some stuff there].

I don’t know for sure what will happen in 18…but I believe that the new characters will probably come in in chapter 19.  I’m trying to guesstimate when exactly this part I am on will meet up with the part I have written [with the new people]. I think that it will be sometime in 19. Either that, or at the very beginning of chapter 20. …Probably 19, unless something new comes up in 18. …There are getting to be WAY too many numbers in this post.

Now, granted, I have no idea how many chapters book one will be, so it kind of doesn’t mean anything.
I am excited though.
And a little…what’s the word…tentative? Tentative.
Because I don’t know what happens.
And there are lots of things to consider --- namely, her physical state. …And emotional/mental state.
I don’t want it to be cliché.
…I just don’t know what would be cliché in this. Is it more realistic for her to dwell on the trauma she’s endured? Or is it more realistic for her to try to push it aside and focus on surviving?

It seems like she’d do the latter…but I’m torn. Because she has been broken. Broken in ways that she wasn’t before. Her personality is resilience…but how much of that resilience still remains?

But I think it is more realistic for her to try not to dwell, to try her best to push it all away. …But it won’t stay there. And that needs to be clear. What I refuse to have happen is for her to go on like nothing happened, like no one hurt her. I want her to focus on surviving, but I also want the inn to be right at the back of her mind.

And I think, even with things I’ve written so far…I show that pretty well. She is paranoid nearly to the point of insanity, she is intensely distrustful, and the mere sight of men freaks her out. A man touching her, even just her shoulder, sends her into flashback mode. She is terrified, but it comes out as defiance and anger and threats of violence.

…So, truly, everything about her personality from this point on, until she starts to trust people…is more or less a front. A pretense she creates so she won’t have to think about the abuse she’s endured…won’t have to deal with any of it.  

For her character…it is very realistic that she would create a wall between herself and the pain. She’s done it before, with other traumatic stuff that happened before the story started. [Hehe, not telling! ;) ] And naturally, she would do it again. That’s how she deals with stuff --- blocks it from her mind, buries it somewhere in her subconscious where she thinks it won’t be able to hurt her.

…But some things refuse to stay buried.
…Some things refuse to be pushed aside for long.

…This is going to be fun.