Pronunciation Guide

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The eve of NaNoWriMo. […I still hate typing that out!]

NaNoWriMo starts at midnight tonight, making tomorrow the first official day.

Annnd…I work 11-9 tomorrow.

Haha! This was poorly planned [well, it wasn’t planned at all, actually!], but I am TRULY going to try to do this 50,000 words thing. I am not the most competitive person, but if I am honest, I really want to have one of those little “winner” ribbons on my NaNoWriMo profile [which you get for writing 50,000 words in November]. They just look so…eeep!

…Ahem. Anywho.

I have already written about…well, I’m a little under 1,000 words right now for today [which, admittedly, does not count toward this challenge], but I am just getting started. I have a few more hours before work, and I AM going to use them well! [Though I need a shower sometime in there. …Which is still using my time well!]

In order to reach 50,000 words by the end of November, I need to write 1,670 words a day. The average is really more like 1,667, but…I have to have things end in either zeros or fives, so…I rounded up. …I am so weird. I may even make it 1,675, which is better than 1,670. …Either way, I am hoping I can actually do this. It doesn’t seem like much when you break it down…but it averages out to 120 pages for the month, 4 pages a day. …I was struggling with 2 pages a day. Eek.

…Sorry for the explosion of numbers in this post. Sheesh.

ANYWAY. I am working on book one today…and I really do not have much left in it. I mean, I am not going to rush it, and I am NOT going to skip over parts that should be in it just so I can be done faster. Uh-uh. It will be all it is meant to be. …BUT. I have about fourteen pages in chapter 18 right now; and about…crap. Hang on. Sixteen in chapter 19. And I don’t know how many will be in chapter 20. But basically what I am saying is, “OH MY GOSH I AM ALMOST DONE!”

Regardless of whether or not I complete the NaNoWriMo challenge, whether I get 50,000 words and “win” it…regardless of whether or not I actually finish book one by the end of November…I just want to finish book one.

I have written a book before. My elf story is complete, cute, like 600 pages, it took me a year to write…and I finished it in 2007. …That, uh…was a while ago. And yes, a LOT has happened to me since then [meeting my husband, everything with our relationship, getting married, personal stuff, working more, etc.], and I have written a LOT since then…and this story is way bigger than that one…but sometimes I have wondered if I can actually do it. If I truly have another book in me. I mean, it is one thing to finish one book. Yeah, not a ton of people do it --- but how many people only write one book, and have nothing else in them? …I don’t want to be that. I mean, I have NO idea how I will ever write anything after this story…but…who knows. And yeah, finishing book one isn’t like a massive accomplishment --- it is basically like finishing the first PART of a story, instead of finishing an actual stand-alone story --- but…it will just be nice.

Nice to have it written, totally.

Nice to have accomplished some of the goals I have set for myself [and I am bad at both setting goals and meeting them].

Nice to be able to move into the aftermath of the inn, instead of it being right in the corner of my eye.

Nice to be able to have some NICE characters for once, sheesh. [If you don’t count the H-guy guard as nice, which, I mean, I do because of course I love him, but…few others will.]

Nice to just…I don’t know…be able to really…see that I am a writer? Haha! Is that lame?

Well…here’s to November being super productive --- let’s do this, Angie!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

NaNoWriMo and a way-too-long synopsis


The past month has been insane and awful and good and painful and awesome and discouraging and difficult and encouraging and…simply all over the place. [Ha!] I have done very little writing…and I am probably crazy to say this, but…

…I signed up for NaNoWriMo --- National Novel Writing Month.
For those unaware [as I was about three hours ago]…it is a challenge where you write 50,000 words in the thirty days of November.

…Yep. I am insane. Haven’t written in weeks…and I am going to aim for that.

Besides that…I already made the goal to finish BOOK ONE by the end of November. I really don’t have a huge amount more to write in it; it is just a matter of actually figuring stuff out and doing it.

I do want to share with you the synopsis I wrote for NaNoWriMo [ugh that is annoying to write out, with its weird capitalizations]; it said to write a short synopsis, but…let’s face it…this is me. ;)

It took me a while to actually start writing said synopsis --- in my defense, I am trying to summarize the content of FOUR books, not just one --- but once I did…I don’t know. I just really like what I wrote. It doesn’t really give much away, but it explains things in enough detail [I think?] that is at least somewhat interesting! Ha! But it made me excited about my story again…which…I haven’t felt that in a while.

So, without further ado, here is the story synopsis [this can also be found on the new page link, “About the Story”:

The land is stained with blood.

For centuries, the world has been decimated by war between the creatures and the humans. The reigning human authorities feed on power, perpetuating the conflict in the name of protection. The creatures remain in the forests, their numbers dwindling and their rage growing. Half-breeds live on the streets of every city, the results of rape, reviled by both races.

Into this world at war with itself, a girl is born. Unwanted, despised…but deceived. Deceived…until the deception can no longer be hidden --- and her true heritage is known: …Half-breed. Escaping death was easy…compared to escaping the brothel. And escaping the brothel was easy compared to learning to trust again. But learning to trust again doesn’t erase memories of the brothel…and the other girls trapped there. And when a rescue attempt crumbles, she’s had enough.

Convinced that everyone around her dies because of her, she heads for the forest, determined to end her life by the creatures’ hands. But instead of killing her, they capture her…and force her into a different kind of slavery. And just when she’s starting to try to revive her life from her self-imposed grave, move on from all the horror…everything crashes down on her again in the form of a man she never wanted to see again, a man who haunts her every nightmare. A man…who comes before her seemingly broken and repentant…but still chillingly dangerous.

Yet unbeknownst to her, unbeknownst to anyone…change is coming. Change that will rock the foundations of the world, change that will release those who have long been held in the darkness. Change that will dismantle everything the living have ever known. Change that will bring healing and hope to those who do not know how desperately they need both. …Change that hinges on her doing the very thing she doesn’t want to do --- …forgive the unforgivable.

This is a story of a girl who, in of herself, is insignificant. She’s not the “chosen one”, she’s not the long-lost princess, she’s not the only one who can bring balance back to the world. She’s nothing. But in her nothingness…she is everything. An explosion of light. A rock, slamming into otherwise still water. A gust of air into lungs that have not truly breathed, an eruption of blood into hearts that have never truly beat.

This is the story of a girl who does not set out to change the world, does not even think about changing the world.

This is the story of a girl who changes…and who changes those around her. Those who are something. Those who can change the world.

This is a story of purpose, of being who and where and what you are for a reason.

This is a story of redemption of the seemingly irredeemable.

…This is a story of hope.

And…goodbye. ;)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Help me hold on


…What to even say.

I feel like a failure right now. I am discouraged, and disheartened, and my heart just…hurts. Aches. The last three-plus weeks of my life have been…have…been…I…don’t really know how to describe it. Awful, yet really good; devastating, yet encouraging. I keep vacillating between hope and joy…and despair and terror. …Yay.

As is probably the case for most writers…since my personal life is such a…whatever it is…my writing life is pretty much matching it.

I have ideas, don’t get me wrong. I just…have been quite consumed by other stuff…and I feel…


…I feel lost. So, so lost.

I am so very stuck. I feel like if I could just sit and write…I might be able to work through this block…but I just…can’t. Or don’t. Or won’t. Or something. I don’t know what I am afraid of…I just…I don’t know.

I know that I will come through this; I have been stuck like this at other times, and I have preserved…and the story continues to flow. I KNOW I am meant to write this story.

But at the same time…I am just…indifferent right now. How I could be indifferent, after everything my girl has gone through, after everything I have poured into her…I don’t know. I am just…tired. Emotionally spent. Drained. I feel spiritually assaulted, constantly. I feel like I have to constantly be on my guard…and I am exhausted. My mind is just…I can’t rest for two seconds, because Satan is right there slamming me with all kinds of stuff.

I am constantly pulled toward discouragement, toward fear, toward frustration…toward believing lies. And in my fear to not believe lies, I am believing lies.

…I realize this is not exactly story-related, but…whatever.

I am so stressed…and there is no end in sight. My head --- which always hurts --- has been killing me lately. My work schedule feels more insane than usual, and even when I have time to write, I just…don’t. I have lost the fire, the drive…the need. I feel…diminished. Detached. I am just stumbling along, trying to get through one day after another…

…I can’t even…none of this even comes close to really capturing my feelings.

I don’t want to think. Thinking hurts my head…and my mind is just…spinning, constantly. Trying to not think about certain things, trying to focus on other things…and it is just…weary.

…I am weary. Weary regarding everything. My personal life…my story.

I don’t want to give up. I don’t know if I even could give up entirely. But I don’t know how to keep holding on. I am so tired. My legs are failing, my arms are failing…my heart is failing.

God, help me hold on.